My Train Ride To Lilly

I've been meaning to write about how Lilly came into our hearts and home. Lilly's Aunt Christine posted her cousin's adoption story and inspired me to write Lilly's. As the years go by the memories are fading a little so I thought this would be a good way to preserve them.

A little history first... back in 2001 I had surgery. At that time I was diagnosed with a disease called endometriosis. It is a sometimes painful and debilitating illness, the surgeon showed Mike and I pictures of the many growths I had on my reproductive organs. He was able to cut and burn the majority of them out and told us we shouldn't have issues with getting pregnant. Although, I still had some endo in places he couldn't surgically remove and some of the cysts he tried to remove he couldn't get it all. Fast forward to 2004 we purchased our first home in May of 2004. We also decided to actively start trying to conceive. Since I have endometriosis we thought it would be best to consult with a reproductive specialist. We hadn't been doing anything to prevent getting pregnant for about a year so it made sense to get things checked out. Well after many blood draws, tests, synthetic hormones and several disappointing appointments the specialist decided that the only option left for us was to do IVF. He also diagnosed me with PCOS, insulin resistance, Endo and a negative RH factor. We were so frustrated and I was DONE with synthetic hormones so we turned our hearts over to Heavenly Father and asked him to guide us. I cancelled the IVF treatments and scheduled an intake interview with LDS Family Services.

We were approved to adopt November 7, 2005 Mike and I decided to start a family website and I attempted to make a quilt to help the time go by. It also helped to do something since we had been working so hard with the fertility treatments before I felt like I needed to be doing things. We celebrated Christmas in two states that year. Mike's dad gave us tickets to fly to Utah to visit my family. We spent the morning with Mike's family and the evening with mine. It was a lot of fun; we got to spend some time with my cousin who had a brand new baby. I remember complaining to everyone that we were still waiting and hadn't heard anything... but longing to have a brand new baby too.

After returning home to Washington from our Christmas trip our Caseworker called! A birthmother was looking at our profile and she was scheduled to deliver on January 15th by c-section. It was about 3 weeks away so she wanted to make sure that was ok. OF COURSE IT WAS! About a week later we still hadn't heard back so we figured that we didn't get picked. During this time I kept having baby dreams; I can remember one in particular. I dreamt of a baby girl with brown hair, I was very upset and searching for baby socks. I had an entire drawer full of mismatched baby socks in my dream and I couldn't find a match, but I kept searching and didn't give up, until my alarm went off.... the next day I received a call from our caseworker. The birthmother liked our profile, but wanted more information. She asked us to send her individual biographies, oh and can you send them to me in a few hours. Mike and I both stopped working, Mike skipped a meeting and I locked my office door and turned out the light so people wouldn't know I was there. We both wrote our biographies and I e-mailed them to our caseworker. Again, we didn't hear anything and we decided to move on and we probably still didn't get picked.

A week later I was having lunch with my sister (Angie) and I had a feeling that I should bring my cell phone with me (I rarely carried it with me). I received a call while at lunch, it was our caseworker again. She said that a baby girl had been born on Sunday and the Birthmother had chosen us to be her parents! I frantically tried to write all of the information down on a post-it-note, laughed and cried right in the middle of my works cafeteria with my sister there to support me. I ran up to my office and announced to my very supportive boss that I was on maternity leave. I grabbed the phone and called Mike to tell him the wonderful news. Mike answered and I told him that a baby girl had been born last night. He didn't get it, he was like sooooo that means what? I quickly exclaimed to him that we had been chosen to be this baby’s parents! He was thrilled, and I told him to tell his boss and I would come get him and we would go buy some pink stuff for our baby!

At this point I was too wired to drive so luckily Angie was still with me and she drove me to pick up Mike and came with us to go shopping. We bought Lilly a pink fairy princess blanket some onesies and diapers and formula. Later that evening we purchased a gift for Lilly's birthmother and Mike drew a beautiful card for her.

We were told to be at the agency at 10:00 AM the next day. Of course we left the house at 8:00 for the long 30 minute drive :) We were REALLY early so we stopped by at some local shops and looked at baby things. Finally it was time to meet with our caseworker, more paperwork, more waiting. About noon we were instructed to go to the hospital for placement. We drove about another hour and found the hospital. Our caseworker called and asked where we were and I told her we were in the hospital lobby. Our caseworker had gone to the wrong hospital! So she quickly got to the right hospital. We waited and waited in the hospital lobby for the birthmother caseworker and our caseworker to talk with Lilly's birthmother. She still hadn't decided if she wanted to meet us or not. She did decide to meet us and I am so grateful for that decision. She was such a strong woman; she loved Lilly more than anything. I tried to thank her for giving us her baby and she wouldn't accept it. She kept telling us thank you for being good people and she knew we would be awesome parents. When we walked in her hospital room I was sooooo nervous, Lilly's birthmother really put us at ease she even showed us how to change her diaper and also how strong Lilly was at lifting her head while on her belly. She encouraged us to hold Lilly and to go with the nurses to get her weighed and checked before she was discharged. She walked us to our car and we embraced, I snuck in a thank you before she could say otherwise and off we went with baby in tow.

I sat in the back seat next to our new beautiful baby daughter. She was snuggled into her car seat looking very content. I called my Mom and exclaimed that I was a MOM! I cried with pure joy, it was a miracle and the happiest day ever.

We feel like the luckiest people in the world to have been given such an amazing little person to raise as our daughter. Lilly's birthmother is always in our prayers and thoughts. We send her letters and pictures and tell Lilly the things we know about her.

Adoption increased my faith in Heavenly Father's plan. At times it was hard to wait and I often wondered why me? But during those times I often reflect at a quote given by Gorden B. Hinkley “Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. “The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride” I thank Heavenly Father daily for giving me the ticket to be Lilly's mommy, she is a beautiful vista and bringing her home on January 10, 2006 was a thrilling burst of speed that I will never forget.