I Speak Adoption :)

When Mike and I first started our adoption journey I read and read and read probably every book at the library about adoption. While reading I noticed that there is kind of a language that is used. So here are a few of the important phrases, terms and words used in adoption that I embrace and use in my daily life.

Positive Terms:
Adoption Placement Terms (These help convey that decisions regarding adoption are carefully and lovingly made.) - "Arranging for an adoption", "making a placement plan for a child", "arranging for a transfer of parental rights", "making an adoption plan", "placing a child for adoption"
Terms Related to Parents:
"Biological Parents", "Birth Father", "Birth Mother", "Genetic parent" "First Mother" Parents of conception.

Negative Terms: (never use these)
Adoption Placement Terms (These perpetuate negative stereotypes and can damage a child's self image.) - "Put up for adoption", "adopted out", "abandoned", "give up a child"
Terms Related to Parents -
"Natural Parents" - Used often in legal settings. Not a positive term since it implies that adoptive parents are "unnatural".
"Real father or real mother" - Terms used in society to describe biological parents. Not appropriate since they imply that adoptive parents do not act as "real parents".
Terms Related to Children -
"Illegitimate child" - Literally means that a child has no father.
"Unwanted child" - No child is ever unwanted, certainly not my own.
"Is Adopted should be "was adopted" sure it's part of the childs past, but not their identidy.

Common Questions/Comments People Make About Adoption: (Imagine if your own child were standing next to you hearing an adult say these things. These comments undermine a child's place in their family and sense of security. Although most of the time they are said not meaning any guile, they are offensive.)
"Where's her 'real' mom?" "Are those her 'real' sisters?" "Does she have any 'real' siblings?" "I knew someone once who gave up her baby." "Didn't her mom want her?" "I could never give my baby up; I would love it too much." "Are you ever going to have your own kids?" (What?! Like Lilly isn't 100% "our own"!) "Which of your kids are your own?" "I knew someone once who adopted because they couldn't have their own children." "Did her 'real Mom' use drugs?" "How old was her birthmother, I bet she was really young?" (statistically 20-25 year olds are the most likely to place their child for adoption) "I bet you're glad you adopted because you got to have kids the easy way." (There's an easy way?)

So now you can speak Adoption too:) Again if there is any questions that you would like to ask me about adoption please feel free to. I may not know the answer, but I will try to find it for you.

Time to Celebrate, it's National Adoption Day!

Happy National Adoption Day!

I love November because it is National Adoption Month, but before it was celebrated for an entire month there was one day set aside, today :)

I am grateful for adoption and feel blessed to be a part of it. I love adoption!
Here is a very sweet picture of the first time I ever held Lilly. It was amazing and a moment I will never forget. Our first family picture with Lilly, this was taken at the hospital where Lilly was born.

I know that adoption is inspired and Lilly's sweet birthmother was guided by Heavenly Father to selflessly place Lilly in our arms. Take time today to say a prayer for the birthparents, adoptive parents, birthgrandparents, social workers and everyone touched by adoption. I know I am forever grateful for the prayers and thoughts sent for our family to bring Lilly home.

Tag for National Adoption Month!

I got tagged! It was a week ago, but life is so busy :) I was tagged by Shanna and I love the twist she put on the tag, so fun!

Here are the rules:
1.Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share 6 nonimportant things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website. 6. Here's the twist Shanna put on the tag "Well, since it is my blog, I can change it a little, right? I've already done lots of random things about me here, so I thought I would list non-random things. In honor of National Adoption Month, I am going to list 6 things about my adoption experiences."

1. I've always loved taking pictures, but now my motivation for family pictures is a little different. I am trying to take fun pictures to include in our adoption profile, or on the blog :)
2. I love it when people comment on how cute and beautiful Lilly is and then they say she must of gotten her looks from me :) It's a great opportunity to tell them a little bit about adoption.
3. When Lilly was a tiny baby it was so fun to take her to the store and recieve comments on how good I looked after just 'having' a baby :) Talk about ego boost!
4. I've never prayed so hard or so much for something in my life until the start of our adoption journey! It's been so inspiring and faith building to see first hand that Heavenly Father does love me and hears my prayers.
5. Adoption is so wonderful, it has changed my life in so many ways. The main way is it is the reason Mike and I are parents today to Lilly and I wouldn't want it any other way. It is also the hardest thing I have ever had to experiance in so many aspects. But the trials really did make me a better, stronger person. I learned patience, love, humility, strengthened my testimony and more. I truly believe I am a much better mother to Lilly now then I even would have been at 20.
6. Mike started telling Lilly about her adoption story in the cutest way ever! Lilly constantly asks us to tell her the "Something was Missing" story. We are hoping to someday write a childrens book on domestic adoption and this might be a good start :) Mike of course would illustrate it too :) I am so glad that we are open with Lilly (on a 2 year old level) about her adoption. I never doubt that Lilly wasn't meant for me, and I hope that she will always know that she is my daughter now and forever.

Ok, in keeping with the adoption theme, I will tag 6 friends that I know through adoption:
Christine, Lissa, Carlie, Laura, Megan and Cindy

Family Pictures - Foto Friday

We finally had our family pictures done (I am sure my Mom is jumping out of her chair)! I absolutely LOVE them and am excited to show them off. We used a local photographer and she was so fun and did an amazing job.

To preview a few of our photographer's favorites please visit her blog: http://laurasphotographyblog.blogspot.com/

Also, note Laura's comment about how smart Lilly is :) See it's not just me that thinks she is a little brainiac.

FAQ - Adoption

So as promised here are a few Q&A's about adoption that I am asked often. Also feel free to ask me anything about adoption, I have quite a few great resources and also feel pretty well informed too.

Q. Where is Lilly's REAL mom?
A. I am Lilly's Mom. Are you asking about her biological or birthmother? She lives in a different state and we send letters and pictures to her.
I am 100% Lilly's Mother, although I do share the title with another wonderful woman. Lilly's birthmother gave her life and I am the mother in her life. I know I will forever share Lilly with another beautiful daughter of God and I am grateful that I was choosen to become a mother through adoption. I love the quote I have posted on the side bar: "Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart - but in it." Fleur Conkling Heylinger

Q. - What is an "open" adoption?
A. - There are as many definitions for open adoption as there are individual situations. Usually when a person says they have an "open" adoption it means that the birthmother picked the parents for her child herself instead of the agency doing it for her, and can also mean that the birthmother, child, and parents share information about themselves and have various levels of contact.

Q. - Is your adoption open?
A. Sort of, Lilly's birthmother requested limited contact and so we send her letters and pictures. We would love to be able to share more of her life with her birthmother, but we honor her wishes and write really long letters to her because she told us she loves to read and we just love talking and writing about our lives with Lilly.

Q. - Is it healthy to have an open adoption?
A. I think so, although our adoption isn't fully open. I believe that as long as there are boundaries and love and respect an open adoption can be healthy. After all adoption really should be centered around the child, so if it's safe and loving for the child then it is healthy. It's also helpful to have an open relationship for genectic questions, there have already been a few times with Lilly when I wish I could just ask her birthfamily about genectic predispositions.

Q. - Aren't you worried that her birthfamily is going to try to take Lilly away?
A. - Nope, There are lots of reasons why this is not a concern to us at all
Lilly's Birthmother was soooooooo strong in her decision to place Lilly for adoption. She is a truelly amazing, strong, loving woman who was selfless and gave me the greatest gift of Motherhood.
There are laws that govern adoptions and we followed the laws and did everything accordingly.

Q. - Do you think that Lilly is going to like being adopted?
A - We don't really know yet, but I am sure Lilly will voice her opinion when she is old enough to understand fully. We always tell her things that we know about her birthmother and we also read her childrens books that are centered on adoption. We also show her a picture of her birthmother and tell her who she is and a little bit about her so she can have a face with a name. We also mention Lilly's birthmother in our family and personal prayers every day.

Q. - (From Janelle) Have you ever considered adopting abroad?
A. - Yes, but we feel that right now our next little one will be a domestic adoption. International adoption involves a lot more paperwork and more money. Right now to adopt an infant, non special needs internationally the wait is similar to domestic (around 2-3 years). We've been waiting for a little over a year so far so hopefully within the next year it will be the four of us :)

Q. - (From Marchet) My husband and I are considering adoption. What kind of questions should we ask ourselves to prepare for this kind of step?
A. -

• A big question to ask is how much openess you would like to have with the birthparents, and the extended birthfamily (grandma's, grandpa's, aunts, uncles).
• Also, how much are you willing to extend financially.
• What type of special needs, could your family support. We recently recieved a call from our caseworker for a special needs infant with HIV and extreme drug exposure. Unfortunately, at this time we had to say no. It was a very difficult decision to say no, but Mike and I prayed about it and we decided our family doesn't have the resources to accept a terminally ill baby.
• Another big question is do you have a preference on gender or ethnicity. We do not have a specific race or gender listed on our preferences.
• There are tons of questions to ask yourself and to consider what is the best thing for your existing family. One thing that we did when we were asked about the special needs baby was call our pediatrician. She was wonderful and even called specialists for us and was so supportive. So while you are filling out the paperwork ask questions and use all of your resources.

Halloween x4

We had a really great Halloween this year, the festivities started at Grandma Y's house for her annual Halloween Dinner :) It was scrumptious and everyone's costumes were so cute! Lilly was a BYU Cheerleader for Halloween this year and it really fit her personality. She showed Grandma & Grandpa and her Aunts, uncles and cousins her straddle jumps, summer salts and a few cheers she had been practicing. The next Party was at Lilly's gymnastics, the kids got to wear their costumes and do 'tricks' for treats. Of course Lilly was all over that and she even did a summer salt all by herself without any help! The picture is a little blurry because trampolines are bouncy, it's hard to get a good shot while bouncing :) Lilly was having a blast on the trampoline, she was getting bounced by all of the other other kids.

The third party that Lilly got to go to was for Children of BYU students. It was held at the BYU Student center and it had tons of games, treats and even a children's parade that Lilly got to be a part of. Mike took Lilly to this one because I was working, and they had a fantastic time.
Lilly being silly with the rings from the ring toss game :) Marching in the parade with all of the other kids.

The final Halloween fun was on Halloween. In the morning while Mike was studying and in class I took Lilly to a pumpkin patch. We ended up not getting a pumpkin (we didn't really need one) but Lilly picked out a nice big rock and stick to carry with her :) I think she had the most fun playing in the dirt than looking at the pumpkins :)
We went home for a nap and then got ready for some fun trick or treating. We went with a fun family in our ward and they really made the holiday extra special for Lilly (and us). Lilly filled up her entire bag and I ended up pouring her candy into my purse so she could carry her bag :) Lilly and Jaimiason knocked on tons of doors and for almost every one they did a trick for their treat :) Lilly did her straddle jumps and Jaimiason would stand on one leg or flap an arm. It was so cute :) Jaimiason made sure to say thank you and happy Halloween to each house so Lilly caught on and I think they were the most polite trick or treaters ever! Here are some fun extra pictures from Halloween!

Winners!

Happy Adoption Month! Since only two people posted comments on my adoption question post you both win! Thank you Janelle Marchet! I will be shipping you some delicious Salt Lake City Salt Water Taffey :)

I will answer your questions soon, so stay tuned. I also prepared a few other common question/answers that I am asked often. For now here is President Bush's proclamation of Natioanl Adoption Month.
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National Adoption Month, 2008 A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

During National Adoption Month, we recognize the compassion of adoptive and foster families as we seek to raise awareness of the need for every child in America to have a safe, loving, and permanent home.
Adopting a child is a great joy and also a great responsibility. Parents are a child's first teachers, and adoptive families can help children learn character and values, the importance of giving back to their community and country, and the courage to realize their potential. On November 15, caring parents across our Nation will celebrate National Adoption Day by finalizing their adoptions and bringing home children in need of a hopeful life.
My Administration is committed to helping young people find the love, stability, and support that a family can provide. We have joined with community and faith-based organizations to raise public awareness of foster children awaiting adoption. With the help of the Congress, we are assisting families in overcoming the financial barriers to adopting children through programs such as the Adoption Incentives Program. In addition, the Collaboration to AdoptUsKids project, which can be found at adoptuskids.org, provides guidance and resources for parents exploring adoption.
During National Adoption Month, we honor adoptive and foster parents who have shown America the depth and kindness of the human heart. Their love and dedication inspire the next generation of Americans to achieve their dreams and demonstrate the true spirit of our Nation.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2008 as National Adoption Month. I call upon all Americans to observe this month with appropriate programs and activities to honor adoptive families and to participate in efforts to find permanent homes for waiting children.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty-first day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
GEORGE W. BUSH

Monkey Girl

Question: What can you build with scrap lumber, a steel bar and some screws?

Answer: A monkey bar for Lilly!

Don't worry, we took the couch cushion off and use them as mats while Lilly flips, swings and squeals with delight on her new Daddy made (mommy approved) monkey bar!

Mike also made sure to make the monkey bar height adjustable and very simple to adjust. It's so much fun and even sturdy enough for me to hang on, Mike's tried it out too :) You know in high school one of Mike's nicknames was 'Monkey Boy' :) I guess Lilly has inherited the name.
It also makes an awesome base for a blanket fort, oh and Bryn really thought it was fun too :)

P.S. Don't forget to post your adoption questions, there's still time left to win a really cool prize! Post your comments on this post: http://mandamike.com/blog/2008/10/november-is-national-adoption-month.html (even if you just post a comment with out a question you will be entered into my random drawing)

Pumpkin Fun!

We didn't have to buy any pumpkins this year for Halloween, we harvested (is that a word?) 7 pumpkins from our garden. We carved jack-o-lanterns on Sunday and had a ton of fun. Lilly wanted a silly one, I carved a screaming one and Mike carved a scarey one. I did the grunt work, I cut the top off and helped scoop out all the guts and seeds :) We saved some of the seeds and roasted them. They are soooooooo yummy, and really easy to make.Mike helped Lilly carve her pumpkin, she wanted it to have 3 teeth :)

We have a couple extra pumpkins and Lilly really wanted to paint one so I put an apron on her and let her do her thang, she had a blast! It looks quite colorful too :)

A poem & feelings from my heart

I decided to write a little poem about adoption, of course adoption is always on my mind and I always have plenty to say about it, I love it with all my heart!

We have you!

We longed for you to join our family
even before you surprised us all.
We tried with all our might to create an angel
just like you, but God knew that you were
meant to be in our family.

Adoption is a roller coaster ride
but we hopped on knowing you
were worth the ride.
And even though the voyage had
many ups, downs and loops de-loops
the pure joy of holding you was all worth it
when we became your parents.

How difficult it was to embrace the idea of
Becoming parents when we can't control when
and need the help of our friends.
This is why you are a miracle,
God blessed Us with you.

We hoped for a family
We longed for you
We rode the ride
And know we have you!
~Amanda

A couple in our ward just brought home their third baby, all adopted! I am so happy for them, yet it feels bitter sweet. Is it bad to say "I wish that was me holding the new precious baby?" Our family is sooooooo ready for another member and we pray every day to be choosen by a birthmother. My heart is feeling quite heavy lately because I know that someone is missing from our family. Yet, I really don't have any control on when or how. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers and please keep Lilly's birthmother and our future birthparents in your prayers as well. Also, we have lots of pass along cards still so if you need some please comment, or e-mail me and I will gladly send you some.

Goldie Locks AKA Lilly

Lilly has the MOST amazing hair ever! It's the prettiest color, it's really long and naturally curly. I love playing with her hair and fixing it cute for her. I have no idea how to care for curly hair, but I've been doing a lot of research and trying different products. So far I haven't really found the perfect product for her hair type, but it's fun trying new things too :) My hair is straighter than straight so having a child with curly hair is such a fun surprise and adventure. If anyone has any curly hair tips please let me know :) With the colder weather coming in I've noticed that Lilly's hair is getting quite dry.

We are still going strong on the no T.V. and have been having lots of fun and keeping busy. The other day we made ghosts to hang from the tree. I didn't have any white scrap fabric, but I had some mint green :) Lilly put on her fireman hat and got to work :) She loves wearing this hat and it is taped together, crunched and deffiantly well loved.

I cut out scraps of fabric and tied them with some yarn and had Lilly draw faces on them. Lilly wanted me to make a Mommy, Daddy, sister and baby ghost so I made them different sizes. We hung up our green ghouls in the tree in our front yard and boy do they look spookey :)

Foto Friday - I've got skills!

I am transitioning to a new position with my job and in order to do this I was asked to become a certified Phlebotomist. I have been taking a course over the past few weeks, it was a fun class and towards the end I got pretty good at drawing blood. One of the hard parts about this class was you practiced on eachother. So if you wanted lots of practice you had to let the other students practice on you. One night I had my blood drawn 9 times, and I have the pictures to prove it.My Left arm didn't look too bad...

Here's my left hand, I also had blood draws on my right hand but couldn't take a clear enough picture of it by myself :P My right arm was the WORST! It's looking a lot better now, but for a few days it was so sore. Trust me, my practice patients didn't look this bad.

Last night was my final and I passed! My friend Kim and of course Mike came to be my patients for my skills pass off and they were so awesome, THANK YOU! I am officially a certified Phlebotomist. (although when I was wearing my scrubs Lilly said I was a doctor) :)

ooooh spiders :)

We decided to ban TV watching for the next few days. I've been sick so Lilly has watched a lot of TV lately so when she totally yelled and cried this morning begging to watch cartoons Mike and I decided no way and put the entire family on TV restriction :P It's actually been really good for all of us and we really don't watch that much TV (we don't even have cable) so it's not too hard, just in the mornings when Lilly NEEDS her cartoons :)
We've been trying to do a few fun things as a family and today we decked out the house in Spider webs for Halloween. They look pretty spooky and Lilly had a good time sticking the spiders on their webs.I think tomorrow we will make ghosts and hang them on the big cedar tree in our front yard. I really enjoy fall and Halloween is a fun holiday to celebrate with a child. It's so neat to see how Lilly reacts to the different activities we do to celebrate, I love being a Mom :)

Lilly likes to sing LOUD :)

Lilly really likes singing, she has been making up her own songs lately and she sings them in her microphone. (don't forget to scroll down to the music player and press pause to hear the video better)

Weekend Fun! Go Cougs!

It was BYU's homecoming this Saturday! We were invited to ride on the FSA (Families Supporting Adoption) float in the parade, but we slept in and didn't make it on time. But that's ok we had a blast watching the parade and cheering as loud as we could for the FSA Float and also the Fine Arts entries in the parade. Lilly LOVES parades and so do I so it's nice going to them with someone with as much if not more enthusiasm as me :) It was really, really cold, but still so much fun. We woke up to little snow flurries and snow on the mountians around us. Lately, Lilly has been totally into her building blocks and we usually end up taking a few blocks along with us where ever we go. Lilly likes to make tools out of her blocks to aid her in construction. For the parade she brought her hammer, and it also duels as a scrubbing brush - because you have to have a clean sparkely tower too :)

Here's a video of Lilly shaking her booty at the parade :) She scored a sweet yellow balloon for her hard work :) (If you want to hear the video better scroll down to the bottom of the blog page and pause the music player)