I Speak Adoption :)

When Mike and I first started our adoption journey I read and read and read probably every book at the library about adoption. While reading I noticed that there is kind of a language that is used. So here are a few of the important phrases, terms and words used in adoption that I embrace and use in my daily life.

Positive Terms:
Adoption Placement Terms (These help convey that decisions regarding adoption are carefully and lovingly made.) - "Arranging for an adoption", "making a placement plan for a child", "arranging for a transfer of parental rights", "making an adoption plan", "placing a child for adoption"
Terms Related to Parents:
"Biological Parents", "Birth Father", "Birth Mother", "Genetic parent" "First Mother" Parents of conception.

Negative Terms: (never use these)
Adoption Placement Terms (These perpetuate negative stereotypes and can damage a child's self image.) - "Put up for adoption", "adopted out", "abandoned", "give up a child"
Terms Related to Parents -
"Natural Parents" - Used often in legal settings. Not a positive term since it implies that adoptive parents are "unnatural".
"Real father or real mother" - Terms used in society to describe biological parents. Not appropriate since they imply that adoptive parents do not act as "real parents".
Terms Related to Children -
"Illegitimate child" - Literally means that a child has no father.
"Unwanted child" - No child is ever unwanted, certainly not my own.
"Is Adopted should be "was adopted" sure it's part of the childs past, but not their identidy.

Common Questions/Comments People Make About Adoption: (Imagine if your own child were standing next to you hearing an adult say these things. These comments undermine a child's place in their family and sense of security. Although most of the time they are said not meaning any guile, they are offensive.)
"Where's her 'real' mom?" "Are those her 'real' sisters?" "Does she have any 'real' siblings?" "I knew someone once who gave up her baby." "Didn't her mom want her?" "I could never give my baby up; I would love it too much." "Are you ever going to have your own kids?" (What?! Like Lilly isn't 100% "our own"!) "Which of your kids are your own?" "I knew someone once who adopted because they couldn't have their own children." "Did her 'real Mom' use drugs?" "How old was her birthmother, I bet she was really young?" (statistically 20-25 year olds are the most likely to place their child for adoption) "I bet you're glad you adopted because you got to have kids the easy way." (There's an easy way?)

So now you can speak Adoption too:) Again if there is any questions that you would like to ask me about adoption please feel free to. I may not know the answer, but I will try to find it for you.